the end?

Saving That Which Was Lost by Michael Malm

As you may have heard, I published a book this past week.

But fear not, I’m not going to talk about that. Or I should say, this post isn’t about writing or publishing or any of that process that honestly doesn’t mean a whole lot in the big picture of things that matter.

This one is about endings.

On July 27th, 2019, at 4:31pm I took a picture of my computer screen.

This picture.

Almost exactly 3.5 years ago.

This was the day and time I first wrote the original ending to my book. Yeah. And at this point, I’d been working on it off-and-on for close to nine years.

I still remember how I felt on that Saturday afternoon as I typed those two words. Exhilarated. Relieved. Accomplished.

My thoughts (as they sometimes do) immediately began to imagine all sorts of grandiose things.

Best seller.

Big contract.

Movie rights.

Book tours.

🙄

Six months later, I began sharing what I had written with several people I trusted to provide me with feedback (or was it validation?) to confirm what I deeply believed: This was the best book ever.

Things didn’t go as planned.

Turns out it wasn’t the greatest of all time. There were problems. Big ones. And more than a few. Problems with the plot and the characters and the writing itself. I was stunned. Hadn’t I paid the price? Hadn’t I put so much time and effort and heart into this stupid book?

Didn’t I deserve a miracle?

Short answer: Yes, but not in the way nor at the moment I expected one.

Have you had similar experiences? Moments where you were so sure you deserved that “happy ending.” Surely you had done everything required for a blessing you were desperate to receive right now? And yet, and yet—not yet.

“The issue for us is trusting God enough to trust also His timing. If we can truly believe He has our welfare at heart, may we not let His plans unfold as He thinks best? The same is true with the Second Coming and with all those matters wherein our faith needs to include faith in the Lord’s timing for us personally, not just in His overall plans and purposes.”

Neal A. Maxwell

When I wrote “the end” on that July afternoon, I had no idea what was still ahead. The many many hours yet required. The humility it would take to start over. The self-doubt I would (once again) need to overcome.

(Full disclosure: I still don’t know if the book I just published was as good as it could be. Likely it wasn’t. But the feeling was “go!” And so I went.)

Having the kind of faith to trust in a loving, all-knowing Father in Heaven and in His Son, Jesus Christ, and to believe that They have something better planned than I can even imagine is daunting. Finding and holding onto that type of faith is a daily uphill struggle.

I thought “the end” meant I was done.

But what I am learning about endings is that, in fact, they are only the end of one chapter, not the end of the story.

If someone had told me in 2019 that I still had several years ahead before the book I had just “finished” would be published, I probably would’ve hung my head and said “thanks but no thanks.”

But this is what faith in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ is all about, right?

And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith.

Moroni 12:6

“The trial of your faith” implies a test of some kind. Likely one customized just for me by Someone who knows exactly what I need—and when. I didn’t know how my story would end. But He did.

My book needed more work. I needed more work. I didn’t have to love it. I just needed to do it anyway.

As in writing, so also in life. The ending may surprise you. But if you pay the price, don’t give up, keep working (and working) and keep moving, the ending will turn out better than you could’ve imagined.

Next week on The Bright & Morning Star

When heaven is silent.

That’s it. That’s next week.