The Backwards Brain Bicycle
"We will never exhaust His merciful patience with us."
First, please watch this video. It’s seven minutes long. If that’s more time than you have to give, no worries. I also realize you may choose to skip the video altogether and if so, that’s fine too.
Just know that watching will help you better understand what I want to share with you—for what that’s worth.
Crucible - “A situation of severe trial, or in which different elements interact, leading to the creation of something new.”
Point of obviousness #1 - Change is hard.
Point of obviousness #2 - Really hard.
Point of obviousness #3 - It’s supposed to hurt. Sometimes a lot. And sometimes for a long time.
I used to think I was so wise when I would preach the following: “Get comfortable with uncomfortable.” What did I know?
Turns out very little.
One of the great ironies of life is wishing that you knew at age 18 or 22 or 37, etc. what you know now, right?
If only I understood this when I was a teenager.
If only I knew then what I know now.
I would have done so many things differently if I could have seen how things would turn out!
All of this is to say how it feels to be in the moment I’m now in.
A moment where I feel, more than ever before, how wide the gap is between what I am and what I need to be. Sure, we all feel this at times.
But this feels different—heavier. I can see more clearly what I yet lack while at the same time, making any sustained progress towards becoming what I need to be seems to have gotten harder.
Is my belief that I’m trying harder self-delusional? Or is it all just “in my head”? 👀
Speaking of which, let’s spend a moment on Destin’s “backwards bicycle brain” video.
I first saw it several years ago and haven’t forgotten it. Probably what stayed with me was that part of our brain is very resistant to change, and that resistance seems to increase the older we get.
Crud.
Even if I want to change (I do.) Even if it is on my mind almost constantly (it is.) And even if I understand that without the help of Jesus Christ, true and lasting change (i.e. conversion) isn’t possible (I want to think I understand, but do I?), why is it SO hard?
Nagging feeling #1 - I may be focused on the wrong problem.
Nagging feeling #2 - I may be going about getting help in the wrong way.
Nagging feeling #3 - I may be boring you. 🫤
I think Paul can relate:
For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I.
Romans 7:15
It seems that only a deep and unflinching self-confrontation—sustained over time—is sufficient to bring the “mighty change” so much needed.
And I must stop trying to do this solo.
Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.
For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds.
Hebrews 12:1-3
But there is this…from one of my beloved’s favorite chapters of scripture, Hebrews 11:
By faith Abraham, when he was called to go out into a place which he should after receive for an inheritance, obeyed; and he went out, not knowing whither he went.
By faith he sojourned in the land of promise, as in a strange country, dwelling in tabernacles with Isaac and Jacob, the heirs with him of the same promise:
For he looked for a city which hath foundations, whose builder and maker is God.
Through faith also Sara herself received strength to conceive seed, and was delivered of a child when she was past age, because she judged him faithful who had promised.
Therefore sprang there even of one, and him as good as dead, so many as the stars of the sky in multitude, and as the sand which is by the sea shore innumerable.
These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off, and were persuaded of them, and embraced them, and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth.
Hebrews 11:8-13
And so much this, from President Russell M. Nelson:
Because God has hesed for those who have covenanted with Him, He will love them. He will continue to work with them and offer them opportunities to change. He will forgive them when they repent. And should they stray, He will help them find their way back to Him.
Once you and I have made a covenant with God, our relationship with Him becomes much closer than before our covenant. Now we are bound together. Because of our covenant with God, He will never tire in His efforts to help us, and we will never exhaust His merciful patience with us. Each of us has a special place in God’s heart. He has high hopes for us.
And…and…this hope-filled thought was just shared this week by President M. Russell Ballard:
Riding that “backwards bicycle” is going to take mental, emotional, and spiritual transformation. It’s going to require soul work that no doubt will sting, pinch, and bruise.
I know very little, but I do know this. Jesus has felt even my weakness, my dark thoughts, my impulse to run, hide, evade.
And He’s having none of it.
Quote of the week:
“I admit I am a very disappointing Christian, and I’m sure Jesus has to lie down with a cool compress on his forehead at least once a day because of my terrible thoughts.”
Anne Lamott
Song of the week:
Some songs just get in your head and never.leave.
Podcast of the week:
Loved this wonderful and tender interview with the new Relief Society general presidency. So much love!
Movie of the week:
Watched Mitty again. Loved it just as much. And the relevance to my trying to “kill the nice guy” in myself in order to find the courage to stand up to myself…boom!
Book of the week:
I’ve been reading Braiding Sweetgrass for over a month now. So many lessons and insights. So full of wisdom and beauty. Stunning.
Picture of the week:
Me, in the Duomo, in Milan, April 2023. Courtesy of Ginger Snaps Photography
Marvelous post! As I read, I was reminded of Sister Chieko N. Okazaki’s words about “the deeps”:
But as Psalm 42:7 says, “deep calleth unto deep.” The deeps are not just the deep knowledge of the gospel but also the deeps in you. I hope you have a beach part of your personality where there’s a lot of scrambling and laughing and sunning. But I hope there’s also a part of you that wants to leave the shallow, sandy self and go into the deep. And sometimes, even when we do not want to, powerful currents of mortality carry us into the deeps—into the deeps of sorrow and suffering and soul-searching. There in the deeps, we discover who we really are and who the Savior really is.
Beautiful thoughts and post. And the gospel art work is stunning.