Suiting His Mercies

His Atonement includes enabling empathy

He That is Without Sin by Liz Lemon Swindle

(Trigger warning: This post includes a very brief, non-descriptive mention of suicide.)

Have you ever been in the presence of someone who is bereft of hope? Bereft is not a word we use very often, but as I understand it, bereft means to be deprived of something or someone precious or to lack something that is wanted or needed.

I’ve had a few such moments—moments both sacred and poignant. Here is one:

A family I knew several years ago experienced the death of one of their children by suicide. He took his life in their home in an unplanned moment of emotional hopelessness. His mother was at work when it happened. I was standing on their front lawn when she returned home and I’ll never forget the look on her face when she pulled up and walked toward her grieving family. The helplessness that she and her husband and other children felt in that awful experience was searing.

A few weeks later we sat together and talked and wept and prayed. They were believers and hoped that God would look mercifully upon their son. But they also wanted the assurance that He would still have a chance to fulfill God’s plan for his life, that he would still be theirs, and that somehow, Jesus Christ could still redeem their boy in spite of the tragic choice he had made.

I wanted to give them what they so desperately wanted and needed. I wanted them to feel peace so complete that all of their pain would be erased. But such peace was not mine to give. Over time, I believe they were blessed with tender mercies that confirmed God had a perfect plan that was inclusive of their child’s mistake. And I believe that God’s mercy is available to all of His children in ways we can scarcely imagine.

I don’t have one favorite scripture, but I do have lots of favorites. Are you the same way? My favorite scriptures are like unfailing friends who are there for me whenever I need them.

Of those favorites, there is one scripture that is unique. It is one that I have referred many people to as I’ve counseled with them in various responsibilities over the years. These have included situations where a family member has chosen to no longer believe, or a spouse has been unfaithful, or a loved one has experienced physical, mental, or emotional challenges that have been life-changing for them and those who love them.

Life is not fair. At times (at least from our imperfect perspective), the righteous suffer and the wicked prosper. Opportunities to progress and achieve our divine potential seem to be denied to so many. Disability, mistreatment, poverty, and an almost unlimited amount of other discrepancies between the ideal and what is being experienced by so many can make it hard to believe in a perfect, loving, merciful Father in Heaven.

Here is the verse that has brought me comfort and confidence that God is aware of and will compensate every one of His children for every injustice they ever have or ever will experience. Some context is important. This is part of a revelation about seeking for spiritual gifts and includes a listing of some of those gifts. In the first part of the verse, the Lord reveals a unique gift He calls the gift of knowing by the Holy Ghost the “differences of administration.” I don’t pretend to know all that this gift includes. I have found throughout my life that I have needed to understand how to correctly administer both justice and mercy in different situations. Perhaps that is included in this gift. But for me, the real gem is what He then adds in the second half of the verse.

And again, to some it is given by the Holy Ghost to know the differences of administration, as it will be pleasing unto the same Lord, according as the Lord will, suiting his mercies according to the conditions of the children of men.

Doctrine and Covenants 46:15

“Suiting his mercies according to the conditions of the children of men.”

These twelve words are so powerful to me. They open a world of meaning into how God relates to each of us and how He will judge our mortal experience. I especially appreciate His use of the phrase “suiting his mercies.” In my finite mind I picture God as if He was a tailor designing a bespoke mortality “suit” for me, taking into account every physical, emotional, and situational circumstance I might experience. His understanding of every imaginable unfairness each of us will endure is perfect and personal. I am also awestruck by the thought that He knows perfectly the “conditions” that each of His children will live in and will suit His mercies accordingly. In this context, is there really such a thing as unfairness? I’m not sure. There are certainly mortal situations that seem by every measurement to be infuriatingly unfair. I don’t know how exactly God will make everything right. But I know that He will.

As taught by servants of God, “All that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.” There are many layers here. For the sake of brevity, I’ll say only that as I understand it, Jesus’s Atonement provided Him with perfect experiential empathy for each of us and what each of us might suffer as we make our way home. His Atonement also gives our Savior the power to help each of us “according to the [unique] conditions” we experience while living away from our heavenly home. How could we not love and adore Him for such profoundly intimate mercy?

In his first talk as an Apostle of Jesus Christ, Elder David A. Bednar taught us about the principle of God’s tender mercies and included this important insight:

We should not underestimate or overlook the power of the Lord’s tender mercies. The simpleness, the sweetness, and the constancy of the tender mercies of the Lord will do much to fortify and protect us in the troubled times in which we do now and will yet live. When words cannot provide the solace we need or express the joy we feel, when it is simply futile to attempt to explain that which is unexplainable, when logic and reason cannot yield adequate understanding about the injustices and inequities of life, when mortal experience and evaluation are insufficient to produce a desired outcome, and when it seems that perhaps we are so totally alone, truly we are blessed by the tender mercies of the Lord and made mighty even unto the power of deliverance.

If I were given another chance to sit together with those grieving parents, what would I do differently? What would I change about so many of the privileged moments I’ve been placed in over the years where someone came to me for comfort and consolation? It’s hard to think about these questions, but if I believe what I’m writing about here, God’s promise to “suit his mercies according to [my] conditions” is inclusive of my many weaknesses as a leader and a disciple of Christ.

Perhaps I would devote more attention to consoling the suffering and less time counseling them about what to do about their suffering. Perhaps we would learn together about the mercy of God and His capacity to heal, restore, and comfort. God will be our Perfect Judge. As Jacob taught in The Book of Mormon, “the keeper of the gate is the Holy One of Israel; and he employeth no servant there” (2 Nephi 9:41.) His judgement will be perfectly just and fair. And I believe it will be mercifully suited “according to the conditions” each of us experienced while on earth.