“Continue as you commenced”

God-confidence > self-confidence

Greetings from the PNW!

You’ve often been in my thoughts over the past month. FYI, most of what ends up here on the Star starts with asking myself what you need, what is hard, and if there’s something I can share here that might be helpful. Hopefully that ends with words that “healeth the wounded soul” (Jacob 2:8).

Fear is always right there, isn’t it? Fear of what we need to do but don’t believe we can do. Fear of what might happen if we try something new and daunting. Fear of what others might think about us. And of course, the fear of failure.

In the earliest moments of the Restoration, Oliver Cowdery had an experience that I think we can all relate to. He was acting as Joseph Smith’s scribe as he translated the record that would become the Book of Mormon when something unexpected happened: The Lord told him he could also translate. I’ve tried to put myself in Oliver’s place. How did he feel when he received this invitation? We’re told it was something he had asked for. Surely he was excited and eager to begin.

“Ask that you may know the mysteries of God, and that you may translate and receive knowledge from all those ancient records which have been hid up, that are sacred; and according to your faith shall it be done unto you.”

Doctrine & Covenants 8:11

But at some point in the moments between this revelation and when Oliver was given the power to translate, something happened. Oliver hesitated. He began, but then he stopped.

“And, behold, it is because you did not continue as you commenced, when you began to translate, that I have taken away this privilege from you.

Behold, it was expedient when you commenced; but you feared, and the time is past, and it is not expedient now. For, do you not behold that I have given unto my servant Joseph sufficient strength, whereby it is made up? And neither of you have I condemned.”

Doctrine & Covenants 9:5, 11-12

I appreciate and deeply empathize with Oliver in this moment. Many times, more than I can begin to number (and share), I have started strong, confident that I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. But then my doubts appear.

“Is this really what I’m supposed to be doing? Am I really capable of this? Who am I to think I could do this? What if I do it wrong?”

God doesn’t just want us to begin. He wants us to continue, for as long as it takes, no matter how hard the journey.

But fear keeps us from “continuing as [we] commenced.”

For probably longer than I am even fully aware, I have struggled with self-confidence. I’ve often framed it this way - “I believe in God, I just don’t believe in me.” But as I have thought more about it, I’ve come to realize that this isn’t true. Really believing in God and in His ability to make me equal to whatever is asked, no matter how daunting or impossible it may seem, really means that self-confidence doesn’t matter. God doesn’t ask me to believe in myself. But He does ask me and even command me to believe in Him.

One of the most impactful messages I’ve ever heard and read on this topic was shared over 40 years ago by Catherine Thomas, one of my favorite professors at BYU. The title of the talk is “The Doer of Our Deeds and the Speaker of Our Words.” It is filled with profound insights about trusting in God and not in ourselves, about the fallacy of self-esteem, and so much more.

Here she reflects on the “nothingness” of man and why the relationship we have with the Savior makes seeking to increase our self-confidence irrelevant:

What does the Lord mean by the nothingness of man? We recoil at nothingness because we try so hard to overcome our feelings of unimportance. But nothingness refers to man’s state in this mortal sphere (see Mosiah 4:5). Nothingness describes not man’s lack of value, but rather his powerlessness during his mortal probation and, especially, his all-encompassing need for the Lord. Nothingness reminds us of the reductions we voluntarily subscribed to before the foundations of this world in order to come to earth and learn how to be taught from on high.

Elder Richard G. Scott recently told of a sacred experience when strong impressions came to him during a period when he struggled to do a work the Lord had given him far beyond his personal capacity to fulfill. The Lord said to him, “Testify to instruct, edify, and lead others to full obedience, not to demonstrate anything of self. All who are puffed up shall be cut off.” And then the Lord said to him, “‘You are nothing in and of yourself, Richard.’ That was followed with some specific counsel on how to be a better servant” (“Acquiring Spiritual Knowledge,” BYU 1992–93 Devotional and Fireside Speeches [Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University, 1993], p. 155).

You remember Ammon, who joyfully described his own nothingness:

I do not boast in my own strength, nor in my own wisdom; but behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God.

Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things. [Alma 26:11–12]

For Ammon, it seems, the whole concept of self-esteem was irrelevant. Being filled with the love of God was of far greater worth than any sense of self-confidence. If one grand objective of earth life is to gain access to the grace of Jesus Christ for our trials and divine development, then we will immediately realize that self-confidence is a puny substitute for God-confidence.”

Here, for me, is the answer to Oliver’s crisis of confidence, and for my own. When Oliver focused on what he yet lacked, he faltered. Alway, always - when I focus on myself - thoughts of inadequacy rush in. If I can turn away from these debilitating thoughts and replace them with a focus on what Jesus can do, my “God-confidence” grows and I find a way to do the only thing that matters: Act. Do. Move.

In another powerful message given at BYU many years ago, this one from President Jeffrey R. Holland, we are taught that once we have the first step - the directive from the Lord - the next step is the one that matters most:

After you have gotten the message, after you have paid the price to feel his love and hear the word of the Lord, “go forward.” Don’t fear, don’t vacillate, don’t quibble, don’t whine. You may, like Alma going to Ammonihah, have to find a route that leads an unusual way, but that is exactly what the Lord was doing here for the children of Israel. Nobody had ever crossed the Red Sea this way, but so what? There’s always a first time. With the spirit of revelation, dismiss your fears and wade in with both feet. In the words of Joseph Smith, “Brethren [and, I would add, sisters], shall we not go on in so great a cause? Go forward and not backward. Courage, brethren; and on, on to the victory!” (D&C 128:22).

Action is the only way I know to overcome self-doubt. It’s the only way I’ve ever found to move beyond fear and uncertainty. When I look horizontally, like Peter, I see the wind and the waves and sink. But when I instead fix my eyes on Jesus Christ and place my full confidence in Him, miracles follow.