Acting Against What I Believe

Action, then power

I’ve been sitting on this one for several months. Not because I was afraid to share it (okay-not true-always scared to share the unspoken, unwritten things) but because I wasn’t sure how. And I’m still not, exactly. I’m fighting with some especially debilitating doubt at the moment (not new—just more intense than usual) that gets even louder when I’m in earnest about much-needed change.

Now is a moment of particular earnestness.

When I was a kid growing up in Oregon I loved to ride my bike around the neighborhood during summer vacation (it was a green Schwinn with deluxe handbrakes and a banana seat…l loved that bike.) Jumping curbs, popping wheelies, skidding out. These were all expected activities for one who owned such a spectacular bicycle.

But there was one thing I feared when I rode my magnificent bike. I was afraid of riding into the grated water drains that were on most street corners and being thrown over the front handlebars and onto the sidewalk, no doubt busting all my teeth and/or cracking open my still-developing skull.

Sad Fact: I was actually more worried about the possible damage to my bike than I was to my skull. (Kid wisdom right there. And yes, no one had apparently yet thought it was a good idea to put helmets on those kid skulls in case of failure to launch. It was a different time.)

But…but…it was also cool to jump over those water drains from the street to the curb and continue riding on the sidewalk without needing to get off the bike. Exceptional skills were required for such a feat, and I was exceptionally skilled.

I don’t recall any moments where I failed to clear the drains while practicing my Evel Knievel moves. But the risk of a cracked skull was always right there. The principle was a simple one to understand - the risk of pain was real. Harm was possible. If you tried it you might get hurt. You might suffer. But if you didn’t try it, you would 100% miss the thrill of those two seconds of airtime and the jealous glances of your not-as-brave (or perhaps much wiser) friends.

As I think about it now, I’m still weighing the risks of jumping vs. not jumping the drain. The stakes seem more serious today, but maybe not? Cracked skulls and all.

In order for any good thing to happen—dreams realized, success achieved, obstacles overcome, growth reached, etc,—there’s also the risk of a good thing NOT happening, or even of a bad thing happening. How to know for sure?

One way only.

It is to act against what you believe.

I believe I’m not good enough.

I believe no one’s interested in what I’m writing/creating/making.

I believe I’m out of touch with what people want to read.

I believe I don’t have what it takes to succeed as a creator.

I believe it’s too late for me.

I believe I believe I believe…in not believing.

I could keep going. This principle extends to every part of my life. Relationships. Work. Self-development. Faith. I’m not talking about doing something you know you shouldn’t do. This is about the fight against self-doubt and fear and how to win. It’s about changing what you believe in order to change how you live.

Some of the difficult things I believe about myself or my future (heck, maybe all of them) could be true. Doubt is always right there, lurking with handcuffs in hand. I could let him bind me. Allow him to keep me from jumping the grate. I know his whisper well.

But I can’t think or hope or even pray my way out of this dilemma. I can’t wish my way out. Action seems to be the only way to know what is actually true or not true. When I am frozen in place, doubting myself and my abilities, I am held captive by the things I believe that may not be true. But I am learning that if I choose to act, even if I’m afraid of what might happen, even at the risk of failure, something good ALWAYS happens. And that leads to greater confidence that God is involved in my journey, even if I can’t see ahead more than a few steps.

I think this is also called faith :-)

“But what about personal revelation?” Yep. I think this 100% applies. Think about the words we use when describing the process of seeking answers.

“Ask. Seek. Knock. Wrestle. Plead. Importune. Search. Ponder. Strive.”

Or as the Lectures on Faith (and Elder Bednar) put it: “Faith is not only the principle of action, but of power, also, in all intelligent beings, whether in heaven, or on earth.” Elder Bednar has especially emphasized the importance of the sequence. First action, then power.

These verses from Alma 32 are so applicable here:

26 Now, as I said concerning faith—that it was not a perfect knowledge—even so it is with my words. Ye cannot know of their surety at first, unto perfection, any more than faith is a perfect knowledge.

27 But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.

28 Now, we will compare the word unto a seed. Now, if ye give place, that a seed may be planted in your heart, behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed, if ye do not cast it out by your unbelief, that ye will resist the Spirit of the Lord, behold, it will begin to swell within your breasts; and when you feel these swelling motions, ye will begin to say within yourselves—It must needs be that this is a good seed, or that the word is good, for it beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding, yea, it beginneth to be delicious to me.

“Awake. Arouse. Experiment. Exercise. Desire to believe. Give place.” All action words.

But danger lurks here also - “If ye do not cast it out by your unbelief.” Even if the seed was good, it can still be neglected and ultimately wasted if we choose not to act. As Alma later reminds us,

“Now, this is not because the seed was not good, neither is it because the fruit thereof would not be desirable; but it is because your ground is barren, and ye will not nourish the tree, therefore ye cannot have the fruit thereof.”

“You don’t think your way into a new way of living. You live your way into a new way of thinking.”

Dr. David Schnarch

“I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith.”

Ether 12:6

Wouldn’t it be interesting to see a print out of everything you believe along with a note indicating whether or not they were true? What would your list include? What do you believe, right now, that isn’t actually true? And how are those beliefs in things that are NOT true keeping you from growing and obtaining your biggest dreams, your longings, your deepest hopes?

The Holy Ghost is so important in this process, isn’t he? Moroni’s simple yet profound promise is critical to knowing what is and what isn’t true: “By the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.” Moroni 10:5

Or in the words of Elder Dallin H. Oaks,

“In my study of the scriptures I have noted that most revelation to the children of God comes when they are on the move, not when they are sitting back in their habitations waiting for the Lord to tell them the first step to take.”

We will get promptings of the Spirit when we have done everything we can, when we are out in the sun working rather than sitting back in the shade praying for direction on the first step to take. Revelation comes when the children of God are on the move.

Action, then power.

When I am feeling unsure of myself and my positioning, thinking and studying and pondering are all needed. But I’m learning that if these important steps are not coupled with action, I often fail to progress. I must “continue as [I] commenced.”

What is repentance if not changing what we believe so that we only believe and act according to what is actually true?